Language Barriers

So – simplified spelling. Anyone who knows me will know what I think of this particular idea. It’s an interesting article, though. Particularly when you notice that Ms Bell starts off by trying to write phonetically and then gives up halfway through when she realises that, to make an intelligent-sounding argument, she cannot carry on in that style.

The problem with writing phonetically, as the commenters at the end of the article have so succinctly pointed out, is that we all pronounce words differently. F’r instaans, iv oi wurr t’roit loik oi speek at ‘ohm, oi dowt menny o’ yew wud unnerstand wot oi wuz tarkin abowt.

Although, come to think of it, I see opportunities for fun …

For Mr F

 

 

 

The Dress

A few months ago I was mooching around Camden with a friend. On passing a shop next to the Lock, we were both stopped in our tracks by the most fabulous dress, displayed on a dressmaker’s dummy. Halter-necked, wasp-waisted, full-skirted, black and white polka-dotted and quintessentially 1950s, it was gorgeous and I fell in love with it there and then. We wandered on through Camden while I mulled over whether or not to buy it. In the end I decided to come back a few days’ later when I didn’t have a boy in tow who, although in some ways more girly than I am, wasn’t really all that interested in watching me try dresses on. In any case, I’m very bad at shopping with other people and prefer to have time to make up my own mind.

So, a few days later, I went back. The girl in the shop was chatty and smiley and told me that I would probably need to buy a size up from my usual one, as all the dresses are made to 1950s measurements. Flicking through the rack, I sadly noted that my size wasn’t there. But, oh! the warehouse is only around the corner and if they have the right size there it would only be a matter of running around the corner to pick it up. Hooray! However, a flurry of French telephone conversation later, it transpired that they didn’t have my size in the warehouse either. Sadly, I left the shop, determining to come back in a week’s time when there had been a fresh delivery of stock.

A week later, the cash machine was refusing to let me take out any more money and I had bigger things to worry about than buying a new dress, so plans were shelved. However, I kept on thinking about it. Every so often, my friend would ask if I’d bought the dress yet, and I would have to regretfully say no.

Then I received an invitation to a party at Bloomsbury Bowling for this coming Saturday. I accepted, and then the girlfriend that I am going with emailed me to say, ‘what shall we WEAR?!’ With money in my bank account and the perfect occasion to wear The Dress, I took a deep breath and headed over to Camden.

The Dress was still there. And they had it in my size. And, just that day, the sale had started. It seemed like fate. Unable to keep the smile off my face, I chatted to the sales assistant, who told me once again that I would need to buy the next size up. ‘I know,’ I replied. ‘I was in here a few months ago …’ By the end of the conversation she was grinning just as widely as I was, recognising that this day had been a long time coming.

To complete the outfit, I headed up the road to Rokit, where I found the most fabulous, jewel-coloured, emerald green petticoat to go under the dress. It took two assistants to cram it into the bag, it has that much net in it. The perfect foil for my perfect dress.

Dress: £58
Petticoat: £45
The feeling I get when I put it on and see myself in the mirror: priceless.

Things wot I have learned today

When holding mouthwash in your mouth, don’t attempt to blow your nose.

I do these things so that you don’t have to.  Consider it a public service.